After 18 years of falling and getting up, of standing and getting brought down, of all nonsensical things that happens around and circles the tiny fragments of my unstable mind, I’ve finally decided that it’s time to give up.
Funny how the once undefeated Michael, the one who always got on his feet after the countless falls, now lost all his will to stand and fight back.
Little things piling up over time, over the course of the seasons that come and go, destroying one by one the millions and millions of tiny, little hopes I once held.
Once I thought of building my state of mind upon those supports of things outside of my existence itself. Of things as academics, as idols, as hobbies, as people. And came then this and that, demolishing the pillars of my mind, and then I lost control.
Then I came to rely on what came from my very existence. On temperance, on prudence, on courage. And came then this and that, demolishing again the pillars of my mind, and then I lost control.
Over time I realized the importance of pain, to the point of me self-realizing that physical pain overcomes emotional pain. It distracts you and sends you flying to the utopia of mind, clearing the unclear, but in contrast clouds your judgment. But I didn’t give any shit, since the ecstasy of the clouding of judgment clouds my judgment per se.
And the once full and whole mind was broken and fixed again and again with every tiny little things attacking, like thousands of millions of parasitic cells sapping life out of that once full and whole mind.
Then the new revelation of idea, of a supreme being, uncomprehendable to mind, brought a new ecstasy to the already broken mind. The logic that something uncomprehendable to the mind can explain what the mind cannot comprehend seems so logical to the human mind, and I am nonetheless a human also. The circling logic, however illogical per se, confuses the feeble mind of the creature called human into thinking of it as logical.
Then that idea brought forth a once peaceful state of the mind, while I looped again and again in something that was no more than a mere ecstatic to the mind. But again all hell broke loose inside my mind, as the rebellious chemical substances refused to be caged in that ecstasy for a long time.
While again coming back to the unending circle of physical and emotional pain, getting one after another, those tiny little things, those thousands of millions of parasitic cells kept piling up, making my mind more and more feeble than it already had been.
And that’s when I decided to turn to individuals rather than people as support. But the world isn’t as nice as the mind expected. What the mind failed to recognize sooner, that individuals aren’t as nice as the mind believed.
There is no single human in this world that cares more of other than of himself. And as the mind tried to stand back up with those supports, the mind bled. Roses have thorns, they say, and imagine yourself, weak as a dying horse, tries to get yourself back up by holding on to venomous thorns. As sweet as words may seem, as sweet as the color of those roses themselves, beyond that is the deadliness of the thorns.
No one supports others to the very end. Fucking words will get back at themselves and prove to be lies and treacheries.
So get lost. Scram. Beat it. Disappear. Begone. Eat your own sweet words and fucking die. Die in your hatefulness. Die. Just die. Just fucking die. And may you all drown in your venomous acts and treacherous schemes and die in your sorrowful lives. And fucking eat your sweet words cos I don’t fucking need them. And may you choke on them and fucking die.
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No asking questions because the post already explains in itself. No big deal, no dramatic big thing triggers the post and the state of mind the poster is in. Just tiny little things piling up and broke the wall once and for all.
